Monday, September 8, 2014

Confessions of an Introverted Snark - a character piece

Some days, all I want to write is a wordy opinion (or five hundred) from the mouth of a fictional character (or is it fictional?) This one I "discovered" after staring at the above box sign for a little too long. He's a bit of a jerk, but you might get a kick out of him.

Be sure to stick around to see the opposite character piece later on - the extrovert. That one was also annoying.

Confessions of an Introverted Snark: I probably don’t like you

I probably don’t like you. It’s a default setting that can and will easily change and nothing to be concerned about. I really just don’t like people sometimes. I like quiet. I like it when I hear none of your voices, see none of your faces, have an entire living space to myself and am just able to revel in the serenity that is quiet.

Some call that being antisocial. I'm okay with that.

I was told this had to be of the currently oh so hip “confessions” type piece so therefore, I must confess:

I’m a Jerk
And so are you. Everyone has jerk moments, thus, they are jerks. If you catch me looking about with an air of superiority and boredom, and think, “What an arrogant, antisocial jerk,” (by the way you’re probably a jerk for thinking that, jerk) you’ve just hit the nail on the head, my not friend. It’s nothing personal, so get over yourself. I can also be really bubbly and nice when I want to be. I just usually choose not to be.

I’m not sensitive
You’re an introvert? Oh, you must be sensitive. No, I’m not. Stop with this nonsense. I’m a snark. I shall snark you to death long before I’d cower away in a corner, under a blanket with a flashlight with my feelings and a diary.

Let me just get this out of my system right now: I really, really, really despise the term “introverting”. I start glowering and seething while laughing hysterically inside when I see someone post a meme or say out loud, “I’m introverting” or something along those lines.

Wow. Let us dissect: 

1.      You’re “introverting” – yet you’re telling everyone about it? Way to “introvert”, buddy.

2.      “I’m sick of people and attention but hang on a second while I tell all these people that I’m sick of them and their attention and do something to get their attention.” This logic confuses me.

“I’m an introvert who’s introverting” – right. Sure you are. No, no you’re not. Introverts don’t do the whole “introverting thing” brilliant one. Introverts ARE introversion. Extroverts introvert. Read that again: extroverts will introvert. They will. They do. The reason why they can is the fact that they are not introverts and thus not of the state of the essence of introversion but rather, extroversion. Sometimes extroverts and introverts switch and introverts decide to have moments of extroversion and extroverts introversion. Extroverts are the essence of extroverting. It’s who they are. If “introverting” is a very definite thing to you and something they really, really need at the moment but certainly not something you are all the time, then you should probably rethink this whole thing. Haven’t you ever wondered why you don’t see memes of extroverts screaming, “I’m extroverting!”?

You’re going to think I’m an extrovert
You laugh, but that's exactly what you're going to be thinking. I can be animated, but that does not an extrovert make. People do make me energized. I love talking and being animated because I’m awesome at it, and I do know how to act like a friendly sociable person when I decide to not stalk about with an air of self-importance. I’ll save that for when I don’t want any of you near me, which will be much sooner than you think.

I’m really, really sarcastic

A lot of you don’t know from the start (but you’ll learn soon enough). I might be smiling and saying things that sound nice but I’m probably just dissing you without your knowledge. I don’t have to hate you to do so. I just do. I mean, if I don’t like you at all chances are I’m not going to associate with you in any way anyway.  So if you have managed to get a good deal of my attention, you can start feeling a bit special now. I probably like you. For now.

1-3 friends, total

Like many, I’ve got a small group of friends I have really, truly enjoyed and benefited from for a long time. Unlike many, that “small group” is about 1-3. You’re probably not one of them. Most of the time the 1-3 don't even count. Like I said, get over yourself.

Be quiet
I hate small talk. I just do. I don’t know if it’s an introvert thing or snarky me thing. But please just skip the whole nonsense and engage my intellect or not at all.

Why I don’t like people:
They’re loud, annoying, mean and stupid as a whole. That doesn’t mean I always don’t like them or that they’re always like that, it just means I will probably always prefer the animal company first. Cats are great. They’re even snarkier than me sometimes, and that’s quite the feat.

Not all introverts are snarks (that should be obvious but people are surprising when it comes to the obvious), so don’t diss them all because of this particular introverted snark. In fact, I’m pretty sure there’s no one else like me, though the odds say that’s probably wrong. If that’s so I hope I don’t recognize the other me's and they don’t recognize me. We’d all be pretty pissed to find our narcissistic bubbles popped. I’m sure of it.

Later, suckers,

The Introverted Snark

Monday, August 11, 2014

Why Not Rather Be Wronged?

Before I let you get into this, Simply Pixie is on FB! Click here!

Also, this post is heavily dipped in religion, but even if you're not religious, I'd really love it if you read it and left me with your thoughts. The issue of being wronged has an impact on everyone, after all. 


I was going through a stash of essays, and absentmindedly clicked on one and scanned it over. One line caught my attention: 

“Why not rather be wronged?”

I stopped. My mind began to go off on a tangent. Why indeed. Why wouldn’t we rather be wronged? The simple answer would be: we hate being wronged. And wrong. Before we even tackle that question in seriousness, we need some context.

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Avocado Shake

I've been just a little obsessed with avocados lately. They're smooth, creamy, so healthy and make one amazing shake. I like making this with whole, organic milk but it also works great with nut milks. Make it with raw honey, which is a fantastically healthy sweetener (but not too much), throw in some coconut oil for another healthy boost and indulge yourself in the luxuriously rich, milkshake-like creaminess. Try it for yourself:

Avocado Shake

Servings: 2
Preparation Time: 5 minutes

1 avocado
1 1/2 - 2 cups milk (adjust to desired consistency)
1-2 tablespoons raw honey
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
5-10 ice cubes, to taste
1-4 tablespoons coconut oil, melted (optional)

Remove pit and scoop avocado flesh out into a blender. Add remaining ingredients except for coconut oil and begin blending while pouring coconut oil in a steady stream.

Fun fact: avocado shakes are popular in Brazil.

What do you like to put in your smoothies?

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Places We've Been

I wrote this close to a year ago in observance of two lives intersecting at the most interesting points. It was almost as if these people were trading places, having started out their lives on completely opposite ends. They were going full circle, just in different directions.

It's just that kind of strange, misty, inspiringly mesmerizing moment where you would much rather just ponder and write in gritty nostalgia than actually go into the clear details of who, what, where, when and how, as one looks up, and he looks down. Once upon a time, she was looking down, but now she understands, and there was a time that he knew, but now he is forgetting.

Know what I mean?

Places We've Been

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

What's it to You?

When writing my rambling post on irritations, I stopped to stare and frown at the lack of structure of the words several times too many. I kept thinking that there needed to be more organization. A thesis. Concise argument. A triangle pattern. No fragments.

But then I was like, why? This is not an essay to be graded, I said what I wanted to say, and apparently how I wanted to say it was in such a way that was not technically correct, but technically speaking in person, would do just fine. What would be the point anyway? To prove that I can write a “proper” paper? But that would be boring if I did that constantly. That’s why I have a blog. This is my safe haven for thoughts of the more creative sort, and I while I will have the less creative from time to time as it comes up, the whole pressure of getting away from technical perfection that art brings was the whole draw of having a space like this. For me, my blog is a home to rambling, poetry, stories, things that may make little sense, and things to amuse us both. It’s a break from politically correct “perfection”, because art demands no such perfection. She’s messy, indecisive, schizophrenic, but understanding.

By the way you guys, I have to say, I thoroughly enjoyed reading all the meaningful, thought-filled comments you left me on the post on being free. I love it when you take the time to say something!

So what is your blog to you, and why did you start blogging?

Friday, May 23, 2014

Being Free

Be free. What does that mean to you?

A few years ago I remember seeing that phrase tossed about a lot on the artsy bloggingsphere along with "I want to live", but what always irritated me was that it was almost always just left at that. No explanation or elaboration of any sort. Just a few pretty phrases tossed in and blended because everyone was saying it and it sounded like a good thing.

I'll tell you what this means to me.

Be free means so much, but I can only tell you so little. Be free of the poisons of your yesterdays, but don't forget. Be free of the burden of worry - always. Be free of the weight of uncertainty and disillusion, but never lose wonder. Be free of the curse of sin, but don't become a slave to rules and regulations. Be free of being a people pleaser and be a people lover.

This takes me into "truly living", because when you are free, you are free to truly live in a way that you were always meant to live. The closest I have ever been able to get to that is when I'm living my life according to the example Jesus set.

Love God, love people. Agape. There's no better freedom and living than that.

What does "being free" mean to you?

Saturday, May 10, 2014

A Love Poem - To Win You

Fact: I've been called the most unromantic person a person has ever met. By more than one person. I think it's hysterical.

Because my personality apparently leads people to such conclusions, I once asked a few randoms if they thought I'd be capable of writing a convincing love poem. Some said yes, some said no, most said maybe. I asked myself the same question and after the laughter died down, I figured I'd give it a go.

The character I embraced for this had an interesting voice. Rather old fashioned. Almost sonnet-type. A little emo-ish. The project itself was already so far removed from what I normally write I decided to just go with it, and I still don't know what to make of this. Love poems make me cringe. I've been staring and poking at this for a few weeks and I don't think I can do anymore with it. So have at it.

The character says he's not skilled in ink nor speech, but he did say I love you in three different languages. French, Greek, English (his title is rather lacking though). I'll leave you with this link to learn more about the meaning behind the Greek phrase. Romantic, no?

Now excuse me while I go eat soap and sit and stare with my mixed thoughts.


So, verdict? Convincing or not at all? Pointers?

Friday, May 2, 2014

Creamy Hemp Protein Shake

I first made this with almond milk but after coming across this research I've decided to lay off the almonds for a bit. It's next to impossible to find almonds in the US that's not from California, and that's just irritating.

Hemp is a great source of protein, and its flavor is pleasant and mild, making it perfect for adding protein to a regular smoothie. If you're needing heavy duty protein I'd recommend mixing it with a whey protein powder. The hemp protein powder I used has 16 grams of protein per serving whereas most popular whey protein powders are in the 20s range, and unless you really like the grassy flavor of hemp to dominate your drink, I'd recommend keeping the dosage down so the fruity flavors take over.

I really like this combo for hemp. Fast, easy, healthy, and such a creamy, delicious way to get a little extra protein in.

Have you tried hemp?

Creamy Hemp Protein Shake

Servings: 1

2-4 tablespoons hemp protein powder
1 frozen, chopped banana
2/3-1 cup organic milk
1 tablespoon coconut oil, melted

Blend all ingredients except coconut oil in a blender. Add coconut oil while shake is still blending. Enjoy with a side of whatever you're currently craving.