Friday, May 25, 2012

A Scrap of Fiction

I'm not entirely sure about this. 

I like this piece on its own, for even though it is short and technically not a true short story, it (for me) came across deep enough and solid enough to stand on its own. However, I've been toying with the idea of lengthening it and making it into a proper short story. Take a look, and tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is most welcome! Oh - and if you have any ideas for a better title, I'd like to hear about it.

And as usual, this is entirely mine and you are not allowed to take it. If you would like to link back to it, ask first. 

Now that we have that out of the way, here it is:

To Share A Heart

The sense of misty nostalgia settled in as the paper unfolded. It crackled as she smoothed it out with both hands on her desk, taking a deep breath as she leaned forward, placing both elbows on either side of it. Cupping her chin in her hands, her eyes scanned over the paper before coming to rest on one particular part.

I miss you. I love you. I hope I never forget you fully, because you were one of the best friends I have ever had. You’re something special; I hope you know that. God protect you and quicken your soul. Until next time we meet, be it on this earth or on the other side of eternity.

So free, so honest. So open. She stared at the paragraph for a long time, the gentle whisper of the wind brushing past the open window as the old clock ticked away the seconds. Tracing her finger over the words, a small smile broke through, though it only brought out the sadness in her eyes.
“Sharing your heart was always so easy for you,” she murmured. It was true. The difference between them was night and day. One was open and free; the other closed and guarded. No matter how hard the others tried, the latter forever refused to open up. She was always private, always mysterious, though it never made her any less human.

Forever is a long time to never see you again, her brain mused silently. It had been a year to the day. Not a single one of those days went by without some kind of reminder of what she had lost.

“I miss you.”

The whisper was so soft, only the speaker could possibly hear it. She closed her eyes as her lower lip trembled, every ounce of pent up emotion straining her voice. A quiet sigh escaped as she laid her head down on her arms.

“God, please watch over them, wherever they are.” She buried her face deeper into her arms, as if trying to hide her moment of human brokenness. “I wish I could’ve told you…” but she stopped in mid sentence. Shaking her head, she took a deep, shaky breath and lifted her head, facing the world once again as her eyes took on their usual determination. But before she got up to walk away, her eyes softened once again as the words she never said, and every bit of emotion she never showed floated dreamily across the room, evaporating into the air as it faded away.

“I miss you. I love you. There’s no way I’ll ever forget you…I hope you know that.”


  1. Interesting. I like that you are very descriptive with it and paint a very clear picture of the surroundings. I think it would be great to make it into a short story and elaborate more on the background between the character and the one who wrote the note.

  2. Awesome -- I loved it! I think this would make a great opening for two characters. It's very mysterious, and very well-written. I also loved your descriptions, and the emotions of the character :) Great job!

  3. wow. wow.

    You are gifted with words. Love how you describe things, it really makes it real for the reader

  4. Love this. Beautifully written.

  5. Awesome! (I need to know what happens next!)

  6. Hello dear, thank you so much for visited my blog and for your sweet comment! I really appreciate it. Your blog is so lovely. I truly love the design and the header. Cute! <3


  7. wow. really love how you wrote with so much emotions and the story has a great tempo to it that matches the mood (while reading in my head). so... are they best friends or lovers or is it like unrequited love? you should continue writing this story :) x

    1. Thanks Jing Qi! I purposely left such details out - for now it's completely open to the imagination. I'll definitely be writing up the rest of this story though, so eventually you all will find out ;) Thanks for stopping by!

  8. You commented on my blog recently and said you used to have a fjord pony which reminded you of mine. I have two, a yearling names Pamela and my great trail horse Gypsy. :) I was wondering if you could tell me about your's that you used to have. I love the breed and love hearing anything about them! Could you tell me where you got him/her and a little about it? Thanks! You can email me (my email is on the Contact Me part of my blog) or just comment on my blog, it doesn't matter. :)

    Thanks! (If you can't tell from the URL how much I like them!)

  9. Definite short story-worthy. I love the way you write.
    Twitter: @GlamKitten88

  10. really wow ! very well written story.. the way u describe the girl movements make me draw a picture of her in my mind !,, and that's what good writing is all about !

    waiting for the rest of it (:

  11. Imagery and exposition are always very important to me, and this is rich in both. I could definitely see it benefitting from being lengthened and given some more substance.

    1. Thank you! I agree, I just need to find the heart and drive to finish it.


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